Today I signed my life away. Well, my life as I know it anyway. Today, I resigned my position as a stay-at-home mom, and accepted one as a middle school teacher. Whew! That's scary! If I'm being honest, I am surprised by the complete joining of two seemingly opposite emotions of both excitement and dread. Not long ago, my four year old son, Tadan, asked,
"Mommy, remember you wanted to be a teacher and I didn't like that?"
"Why didn't you like it?" I asked inquisitively.
"Because if you are a teacher, you won't be my mommy, and I'll have to find a new mommy."
Gulp. The words punched me in the stomach and took my breath away. I knew what he meant and, let's be honest: no reassurance from me could change the fact that if I returned to classroom teaching, major change would come about.
His words now haunt me. I will change. He will change. Our family's lives and how we live them will change. Have I mentioned my disdain for change? Of course God, who knows the number of hairs on my head, knows this about me. He prepares me. He has even stirred excitement in the depths of my being for this part of myself, long forgotten, which I will be drawing from and slipping on like an old, silky, comfortable dress. A teacher is who one is, and not what one does so, in this respect, I have always been a teacher. I have not been paid to be in a classroom for seven years though. As uncertain as this whole process will be for myself and for my family, I welcome the adventure, and the way that it will add to who I am and who God is crafting me to be.
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